Re-post, with Questions

So I am re-posting my Sonic Haiku. This is my big question: Should I add a voice over narration?

I have been thinking about this for the past few days and have written a few lines and phrases but placed over what I have already, nothing seems to really work or make sense.

I'm not sure if this is clear in the piece in its current state, but in 20 seconds I go through all the steps it takes to make someone's sandwhich order. It starts with the man asking "bout how long before that'll be out" and then ends with "order for Jack". I feel like I'm already telling a story, but this might not be clear for various reasons.

I'd appreciate any thoughts on this matter.